I hate all girls vehemently.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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