hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
