the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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