I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
