3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
