Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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