mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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