One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
