Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
