who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
