Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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