Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this boner is exhausting
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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