What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
