The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
