last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
