just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
