I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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