we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
