a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize