it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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