dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
