Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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