Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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