you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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