my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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