I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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