Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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