Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
