that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wish there were birth control emojis
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
