i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
