I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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