Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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