I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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