A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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