I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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