If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
