I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
