Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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