I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
