In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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