Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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