there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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