i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
