Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
