i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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