I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
