4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
