Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
