Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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