woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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