I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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