There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
