One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
