My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
