honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
