i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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