I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
