And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
