So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
