he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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