I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
