4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
