Jerry, you need to find god
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
