I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish you could order shots online.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
