It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As shirtless as possible
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
