Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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