Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
