Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
