So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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